gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
