Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Houston, we have a squirter
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
