last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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