Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
