Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
