Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
