I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
