K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
