do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
