I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
