She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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