Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
