I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
