why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
