I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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