just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
