I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
