Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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