watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
