I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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