I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
