he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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