I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
