Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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