it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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