My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
