...so i touched it.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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