I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
