Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
