im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
you traded sex for a burrito?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
