Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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