I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
