He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
