I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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