This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
