i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
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