I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I just threw up on my dentist
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
