Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
