This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
