He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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