I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
