I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
