my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
