well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
