I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
A bitchslap is in order.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
