I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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