people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
