you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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