Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
it's not cheating when I paid for it
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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