Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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