Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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