last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
so let's talk penis.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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