My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
