You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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